All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
