she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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