one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
