Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
