How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
