he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
