I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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