well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Do you remember whose house we're in?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
