at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
