Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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