All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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