hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
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