My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
