i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize