I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
