That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Randomize
