you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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