i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
