You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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