Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize