i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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