drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
My vagina just clenched in fear
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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