just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She's the barista slut.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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