Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
