Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
