she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
