woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
