Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
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