we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize