Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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