Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Randomize
