Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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