He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
