I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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