i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
