I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
