I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
