...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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