No awkward lesbian experiences without me
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
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