i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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