last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
