Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
