I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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