You're my little dorito
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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