I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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