I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
