Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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