What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
