Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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