So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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