also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
