"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
