Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
