I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
