Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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