When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
