My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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