Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
