'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
