When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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