Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
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