I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize