Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
