I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
