And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
