I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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