You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
