He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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