he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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