I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
