i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
