JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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