Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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