I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
