why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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