I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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