You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
