Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
