There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize