it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
