If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
