What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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