I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
