And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
