You're my little dorito
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
