Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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