I'm jealous of your bromance
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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