I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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