Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
