Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
